tales from Noatak

I'm back! from Noatak that is....

We had teacher inservice there from Thursday - Saturday. On Thursday morning everyone certified from five different schools across the district loaded up on chartered flights and flew over to the great village of Noatak to get their learnin' on. It actually wasn't half bad besides the fact that it was one large slumber party. Fortunately for us the district also flew over lots and lots of air mattresses, so we were slumber partying in style. Jenny and I were friends with one of the new teachers there, so she hooked us up with our room because we found out that two Selawik ladies snore. And they apparently dont' just snore, but they snore loud. So we set up shop right across the hall and kicked it there for a couple nights.

I got to drink milk! Like real milk, not the shelf kind from a carton! It was beyond exciting. Apparently it was flown over at the cheap price of $13 a gallon... so yes, it was a big deal that it was there. I have never appreciated the taste of a brownie and milk until Friday night. It was delightful.

So as you've read, it's been a hard life out here in the classroom for me and I've been struggling a lot. This inservice came at exactly the right time. It was such a great experience for me to be able to meet and talk to other third grade teachers across the district and share idea and hear their stories. It was a little hard for me at first. After hearing about some people's classrooms, I quickly came to the conclusion that no one's was quite like mine when it came to behavior. Everyone only had at the maximum 15 kids.... and they listened! I couldn't fathom a classroom like that. And then we had to pull up an assessment that the district had us give the students, and while most people had one or two students that were well below average, I had nine. NINE! So not only am I teaching a huge class size compared to my fellow teachers, but I'm also teaching an insane amount of kids third grade curriculum that can't even read. It's been a tough go these past few months.

I was pretty upset about this and feeling more and more overwhelmed... and then we had sharing time. I know that sounds pretty funny. We were all sharing our thoughts and things we do in the classroom, and my group just kept telling me how incredible I must be as a teacher. And then the trainer would mention things, and I would tell stories from my room and the people in the room would be impressed with certain strategies I've incorporated to help the kids. I learned so much last year, and finally having the chance to put it into practice is apparently paying off. I had seasoned teachers coming up to me and telling me that I must be doing something right. It was so great to hear. I felt so empowered, and I haven't felt like that in months. I finally realized that I am really good at what I do, and I needed to be reminded of this so I can walk into my classroom again tomorrow.

I'm about to go to bed now, but I'm trying to hang on to my sense of empowerment and positive outlook for as long as possible tomorrow. Just because I'm feeling like I can handle whatever's thrown at me tomorrow, I know that tomorrow will not go as smoothly as I would like. Just because my outlook's positive doesn't mean my kids have changed their discipline at all. But I'm still here and I'm still standing, so that must mean something. So come on tomorrow, I'm ready to put everything from this weekend to practice, get my kids in order and get one day closer to heading towards that little place I like to call home.

Just wait. I hope tomorrow's blog isn't about how I went to school all excited and got everything thrown back in my face....

And I bought my sister's birthday present today. Her birthday's on Wednesday, so it'll be late, but it's a priceless gift so she can wait. I swear she better be thrilled about it or I'm going to reclaim it at Christmas. I'll tell you what is after she gets it in the mail. And you'll laugh. It's that good.

So here's to another day of learning. And being empowered.

Cristina

So here's a few more food for thought pictures from the tundra:

I'm making an 'ice angel' here. My buddy Kevin who teaches 3rd grade in Buckland and I went and played on a frozen pond. It was fun but goodness it sure was cold.

I walked all over like this calling myself the 'Alaskan Southerner.' Look at that argyle with the snow pants. Priceless! It's quite the rage for alaskan southerner's. Bring it on mother nature! You can take a girl out of the south, but you sure can't take the southerner out of the girl :)

Talk about big - umm this is a whale bone and it is huge. I know whales are big... but.... I was definitely impressed by the size of this thing.

Well that's all for right now. More pictures to come.... and some with my kids in them. Woohooo!

Kivalena: it's falling into the ocean. and that's a problem.

Dear Lower 48,

I am writing feeling more refreshed than I have in days. Seriously. One would think that being a chaperone to five high school girls for an overnight high school volleyball game sleeping on a classroom floor would be beyond exhausting, but not after the week I had. The trip was a lot of fun and the perfect ending to a week that I wish had never begun.


For the past couple weeks my classroom has been in constant turmoil. The same kids will not listen and constantly try and walk around the room and out into the halls without permission. The same three children got sent home early every single day the entire week. I found myself so overwhelmed that I was always yelling at the kids. Finally on Wednesday I reached my breaking point, basically tried my hardest not to have an emotional breakdown and reevaluated my life out here.

So why the constant turmoil? To break it down quickly, here we go: A couple weeks ago one of our stores got broken into and $200,000 was stolen. There was that much money in the safe because PDF's - the money people get back for living in Alaska - were coming out and most people in the village cash the checks at the store... so the store was stocking up. They ended up taking about 12 people into custody with intentions of arresting only a few - but of course the ones who weren't going to get arrested were found with weed on them, so everyone is in prison now. Well the money was stolen from my teaching aid's grown children - so she quit because her family is now shunned throughout the village. Well that was great because I desperately need help in my classroom because there are daily fist fights among the students and I'm not comfortable with it just being me in there... but I'm once again left with no choice, so that's stressful for me and the students. And she was one of my problem student's Ahna - grandmother - so I thought that it was his mom that was the mastermind behind the stint. I know that having your mother hauled off to prison and your family shunned would have a dramatic effect on a child, so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

While I was doing that another child's behavior was getting out of control. Finally, on Wednesday, I had had enough. We ended up calling his parents and his dad came in to observe his behavior and then meet with me. All throughout the conference I kept saying to his dad, "His behavior has drastically changed in the past couple of weeks. Has something happened in the past couple of weeks that would cause this?" Well his dad just kind of shrugged it off and promised to work with him more. After the meeting I was talking to a teacher and she was like, "Well his mom did just get hauled off to jail for stealing the $200,000." I was like WHAT?! I thought it was (the other kid's) mom! She was like.. no... it was his. Great. I felt like such a jerk. If I would have known that I would have approached the conference quite a bit differently.

Then, while I'm reveling in that, another teacher walks in to tell me that our principal, who I absolutely think is fabulous, and his wife, who I absolutely adore even more, have resigned. As if the intensity and emotions throughout the village aren't enough to handle, now we have this thrown on us. I came home Wednesday night feeling exhausted, defeated, and questioning why I chose this career path.

I spent Thursday regrouping, reflecting and remembering why I chose a life out here. It was really, really good for me. I greeted my students Friday morning ready to kill them with kindness. While it didn't work as well as I would have liked, it's definitely a work in progress. And I hope it works. I can't handle being the teacher I was becoming. Constant yelling, constantly stressed. I had to stop and take a step back.

Friday afternoon I flew out of town and chaperoned the volleyball team to Kivalena - a village that could fall into the ocean any day now. It was a lot of fun and great mental break. We laughed a lot, ate total crap food and watched a lot of football.

Sports games are completely different out here than the lower 48. First off, multiple teams fly out to one village and compete that night and all the next day. You sleep on the floor in a classroom and hang out when you're not competing. It's interesting to say the least... There were three teams and the first night the team played two games and the next day we played two more. I got to walk around quite a bit and take a lot of fun pictures. Here are quite a few:

The sunrise was so pretty... this picture does not do it justice. It should be noted that this picture was taken after 10am. Yes, the sun was rising after 10am....

Do we look tough or what? We climbed the huge rock mountain and made it to the ocean and back. That's right - we're tough.  And Kivalena is falling into the ocean... that's why there are so many rocks.

So I'm not the best artist, but I thought it was be fun to draw a little bit of home in the dark sand up here in the Arctic.

I miss everyone all over the globe :)

and

football

and

happy hours

and

SIT hugs

and

so much more.

but I'm starting to

get homesick, so

I'm done now.

Cristina

Columbus Day? not here that's for sure.

                                                                                                      

Hi Lower 48,
I'm incredibly tired and I feel like I've done nothing but yield to exhaustion all weekend. I can hear the sound of four wheelers outside my room zooming by on the boardwalks. It's funny how the sounds of the village are so different from the sounds of the city. Four wheelers cruise by at all hours of the night and they are so loud with their lights shining into the window. In the winter it apparently shifts to the sound of snow-go's - aka snowmobiles).

Another week is about to begin and once again I have spent hours and hours preparing for the week and I find myself wishing for one more day. I would gladly accept Columbus Day as a day off simply as an excuse to catch up in the classroom. I had no idea life out here was going to be so much work. I have no idea how I'm going to start, much less finish, my capstone, but it has to happen. I will not be a graduate student any longer come May.

I finally sat down and looked at my kids benchmark scores for the beginning of the year. They were depressing to say the least. Our school district wants all kids to be in the 75 percentile - meaning they can read 113 words on their assessments with no errors. The 50 percentile should be reading 83. I have one child reading 83 - everyone else is lower. Way lower. I have two that refused to read even one word and multiple children reading below 10 with errors. My administration is behind me 100 percent, but they and the district office keep pushing new things on me - they don't know regular math facts (1 + 5 = 6), so I need to add math facts, they don't know sight words, so that's something else to add and the list goes on and on and on. Since third grade starts testing, my class is being watched very closely. I'm okay with this because it means I can get a lot of help when I need it (like begging for an aid even though they only have to give up to second grade teachers aid's), but I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment. Seriously. I am not super teacher... but I'm trying. I know that by May I'll have this all figured out (as much as possible at least) and I'll be closing my door for the summer. Never fails, right? But I'm going to try my hardest until then I guess. And I'll come home exhausted and anxious and I'll need the entire summer to recover from this year...

We watched Brothers and Sisters tonight and once again I felt the rush of homesickness. I love it out here, I really do, but sometimes not being able to do the simplest things - sit around a table, gather, sip wine and laugh with my family and friends makes me so homesick I want to cry. I know I'm doing what's right for me right now, but that doesn't mean that I hate missing out on moments that everyone's experiencing without me. Needless to say, the holiday season is going to filled with lots of hugs, laughter, and wine.

A quick story and then I'm off to dream...  Jenny wanted to play Bingo with her kids, so she created the boards and everything. Well they played one game and a kid got mad at her because they didn't win. Apparently the child was so mad that they threw their card down, jumped on their chair and started yelling "Stinky Pink! Stinky Pink! I hate you Stinky Pink!" (She goes by Ms. Pink at school). And then of course more children in her room started calling her that. Seriously! How funny is that?! I would have laughed out loud if that would have happened to me. Well Jenny had been trying to teach rhyming words, so she turned this into a teachable moment and talked to them about how stink and pink rhyme. Got to love those 'teachable moments' that are definitely not found in the curriculum. And you best believe that Jenny now has a new nickname here at the apt. Good times. Good times.

Speaking of which - how cool is this? We only have PO Boxes here, there is no mailman or anything... so there are no streets. It's so small here (village of 900) that it doesn't really matter, but lots of times you need a street address along with your PO Box for things - so we get to make them up! So far I've lived on 11 Boardwalk Drive and 4 Polar Bear Express. I change it everytime it's required. The Boardwalk Dr. one I got so excited when the dude asked that my mind went blank and it's all I could think of, so I was prepared for the Polar Bear express one. There most definitely are no polar bears in these parts, but I was definitely amused. Oh, so if you ever want to send something, my address is simply: PO Box 224 Selawik, AK 99770 If you want to make up your own street for me, go for it.. just make sure the PO Box is on there. Also, you basically have to send stuff in the flat rate boxes or else I will never, ever see it. It takes regular parcel post at least three weeks, sometimes a few months to get out here.... Oh I have a phone number too! It's 907-484-2568. Feel free to call anytime - we don't have an answering machine yet, so call until you get Jenny or me, and please remember that we are four hours behind you!

And with that said, goodnight Lower 48. I'll see you in December. Until then, I'll keep posting and looking up - there's word of Northern Lights here in next few weeks.

Cristina

Here's a few pictures of Stinky Pink at her finest:

ummm... so who says we don't know how to have fun out here in the arctic? yes, this is Jenny putting on a fashion show for all to see in her newest fashion attire from the one and only Cabela's.... the snowsuit. bring it on mother nature - she is ready to snow-go it up!

Sending hugs and love from the place that's warmer than out west in the lower 48.....

Cristina

urban sprawl?! hmph.

Hi Lower 48,

Life out here is still challenging, but I survived Monday with only crayons being thrown across the room - and not at me, so that was nice. Everyday I flip through the curriculum wondering how on earth I'm going to cover all of this... and how I'm going to make it relate to their world so I can teach it to them. We have a super strict curriculum guide - it's my school's fifth year of being a 'failing' school under the No Child Left Behind Act, so I decided to show up at the right time (ugh). Right before I started, I was handed workbook after workbook and teacher's guide and textbooks. I seriously had no idea what to do with all that stuff! In Vermont, there were no textbooks... they got rid of them even before California - and not because they couldn't afford them (like CA was talking about, I'm not sure if they really did go wtih the no textbook thing), but because they realized they did NOT meet the kids needs. Anyways, my district somehow managed to pick the most unculturally competent curriculum for these kids, so I spend half of everyday explaining things - ie - cars, horses, cows - everything else we don't have here in Selawik but does exist everywhere else... and half the day trying to teach. I had to explain urban sprawl to third graders. URBAN SPRAWL! We live in the tundra for crying out loud... my kids think Kotzebue is a city and Anchorage is the center of the world! So you can only imagine how much time it took to explain this simple concept so the children could understand a tiny piece of what the story was about.

Enough of that... so it hasn't snowed since Saturday, and for that I'm a little grateful. I am looking forward to the snow though. It's amazing (and I might have already talked about this before - I'm still fascinated by this) how in the lower 48 so many places shut down in the cold - but because the cold is so much apart of life out here, this place thrives on it. Apparently when the snow falls and freezes, it is time to play here in the tundra. Everyone has snowgoes and all of the villages are connected. Keep your fingers crossed - I hope to take lots of trips to other villages via snowgo this year and check everything. I do love how it's the cold and snow that connects everyone out here.

Oh and get this - my roundtrip plane ticket to ride half an hour on a 9 seater place to Kotzebue is $252. I was complaining about this to Alice, a local friend of mine who's daughter is in my class (she's 31), and she was like - just have Uhkpik (her boyfriend - Inupiaq name) take you on snowgo - it'll definitely be cheaper than that. It is tempting, but one can only imagine how I would look after 90 minutes on a snowgo and then catching a flight for 24 hours. I would be a hot mess. But oh how Alaskan that would make me feel - why yes friends, I rode a snowgo for 90 minutes and then flew 24 hours just to see each and every one of you. It makes me laugh. Oh and by the way - the snowgo is definitely a snow machine or snowmobile in case you're wondering.

I joined a CSA!! How cool is that?! It's a community supported agriculture program and it ships here to Selawik. Of course my food was boxed today and won't arrive until Thursday, but I'm stoked to have fresh fruits and vegetables here in the bush on a bi-weekly basis. Lettuce, green beans, carrots, pluots, apples and peaches here I come! You don't know how hard it is to eat decent out here.... and I've never craved chain restaurant food until now. Oh how badly I want just a burrito sometimes! Seriously! I come home exhausted and want to run over to my local grab and go place only to be reminded that I can have soup out of the can, velveeta macaroni and cheese or something else processed and not delicious if I want something quick. So lots of times if I'm to tired to cook - it's yogurt and granola... my staple.

I really should take more pictures of my kids on a regular basis. They really are incredible, but as a group they are exhausting. We just started a new unit though, and I've done a lot of reflecting on who I am as a teacher and where my ethics and values are... and I'm making a much more mental effort to stop the yelling. It's how so many of my kids respond because it's the only thing they know - it's how most adults talk to them - but I don't need to reiterate the norm. It's just so hard to be positive sometimes when you want to scream your head off. I'm learning that third grades takes more patience than fifth/sixth and I'm just not sure I'm that patient.

One more thing - the fifth grade teacher here could lose their job for simply lifting a child's hoodie when he couldn't see him to see if he was responding (one form of saying yes here is to raise your eyebrows). A few minutes later he sent the student to the office and later the student went home and told his Ahna (grandma - the caretaker for most kids in the village), who placed a call to Kotzebue (our district office is there) and now he could potentially lose his job. This makes me incredibly nervous because he was like.. don't touch your students, it's not worth it. My kids need so much attention and love that I'm a little nervous. I'm joining the union here which will apparently step in if something like this occurs. I'm not to scared about it because I have a pretty good relationship with my students, but it something for me to consider and be more aware of. It is sad though what our society has become...

The big vote here in Selawik is tomorrow - the natives are voting on if the village goes wet or not. If it does go wet, we will be able to buy alcohol here. That makes me so nervous. Selawik has a huge drunk problem - the natives make 'home brew.' Someone was telling me how they saw homebrew the other day and it had a potato, corn on the cob and raisins in it. ummm gross. Oh and it has the consistency of puke. yumm. I would love to sip a glass of red wine... umm.. every night at this rate - but with the huge drunk and alcohol problem (I have learned to despise the 2nd and 16th of every month because my kids come to school cranky because most of their parents have been out drinking all night), I'm really hoping the vote is no. Keep your fingers crossed.

Off to dream. First I'll leave you with a few pictures though.

B

Berry picking with the newbies in Kotzebue. Good times and really good berries (even though we only picked like six a piece).

Lots and lots of caribou heads. Makes me think of antlers - so out here when you sing the 'hokey pokey,' you put your antlers in, you put your antlers out... it's seriously the cutest thing ever.

And that is one large fish. dried. yum yum and yum. this is at culture camp obviously.. and sorry.. i don't know what's up with my eyes, but that fish sure is delish.

Somedays vs. Everydays

It's late and I'm exhausted, but another week has passed here in Selawik and I have yet to update the blog that I've promised to stay on top of. I just find that so many of the days seem so insignificant at that moment, but when I reflect back on my week, I realize that all these 'insignificant' events add up to one interesting week.
I do have to say what's been on my mind lately isn't how much work I've been doing or how the kids are behaving, it's something more. I have no idea if I'll be able to articulate it onto paper as clear as it is in my head, but here it goes:
I have a magnet on our refrigerator that says something of the extent: "And she realized that all of her someday's are right now." I have stared at this magnet time and time again and simply smiled, walking away not thinking twice about it. The other day though, my thoughts got lost and I realized that I'm living a life of most people's 'someday's' while they live their everyday's. My everyday is most people's someday's. and I realized that I'm not sure how I feel about it. Can you really have both? What most people do everyday - marriage, babies, etc. - I'm waiting to do and hoping that there will be away to have both - someday's and everyday's. Here's to planning too.
That's really what's on my mind. I'm sorry this isn't filled with fun stories. I did have a child throw a few pencils at me and knock over the pencil bucket in hopes of it flying pencils at me... only to apologize an hour later for what she did. The things children get expelled for in the lower 48 I don't even send them to the office for. It's just how it is out here. Sometimes I look around and all I can wonder is what have I gotten myself into? These kids test me and challenge me to where I just want to yell enough, I've had enough and pack my bags and head home, but then I look at them so full of hope and love and all I can do is take a deep breath and smile because I'm here and I'm doing this and I love it. Ever since I packed my bags and left for Montana I've lived a life that follows my dreams and relies on my instincts, and I am certain that right now right here is where I'm meant to be.
I miss you. I miss each of you (all four of you that read the blog- ha!). The other day I was watching something and the people were simply laughing and I realized that might be what I miss the most: simply hearing my best friends laugh as we sit around and talk about nothing (because remember - I like talking about boys more than globalization). We laugh here for sure, but there's something so genuine about hearing the sound of someone you truly care about just laugh.
Anyways, while you're reading this, know that I think about you everyday and I miss you. And I think you are truly fabulous. So go and do whatever you do 'everyday' and know that in May, I'll be back and I'll be expecting lots of hugs and to share lots and lots of laughs with you.
So here's to both somedays and everydays,
Cristina

PS - The other day I came home to find this on my doorstep. Only in Alaska! I was super giddy and can't wait to eat them. The whitefish are all cut up in the freezer and ready to be thawed. Any visitors?! Yum yum!