Homesick... or not?

Hi Lower 48,

It's 10:00 on a Tuesday night. It feels like a Thursday and all I want right now is a smoothie from the co-op in Brattleboro. It's so funny the things you miss the most when you leave a place. There are times that I think of particular moments, moments that should mean nothing but for some reason mean something only to me, that make me miss someone or something so much it hurts. I've been doing that a lot lately - miss someone or something. I often long to hear the voice of a friend, for some sort of food, or just the idea of takeout in general. Life is exhausting and then the thought of coming home and cooking at times is beyond overwhelming... until you remember the 7 dollar a box pricetag that comes along with the simplicity of eating cereal. And the fact that your milk just came out of a box. Yum.....

I often get asked why I don't blog more, and I think the honest answer is that so many of the things I learn about or do out here I don't want to tell you. I miss my Lower 48 life more than anyone can imagine, but if I tell you what happens out here, you'll ask me to come home - and I'm not ready to do that yet. If I tell you that I get homesick, you'll say we're here, come back and I'm afraid you'll quit including me in your life. I love those random phone calls out of the blue that let me know I'm still a part of your life, even though I'm 1000s of miles away. I enjoy reading, and laughing, from all the emails people send or facebook messages or just a simple wall post that let's me know that I'm still a part of your life. I'm scared that if I post too much, or let you really know just how much I think about life down there, you'll stop for fear of making me homesick. And I don't want it to stop. 

That's probably been one of the most surprising things throughout all of this. When I first moved out here, I figured people would email and ask me questions and call and such, but people have still kept it up. It let's me know I have some pretty amazing friends (my family just has to I guess.... ha! I jokes!). So... what do you want to know?

Life this week has been tough. One of my kid's parents just got back from jail. It turns out she got super drunk and intentionally hit a high schooler with her snow-go. Another one of my kid's parent's is getting out of jail. Most of my kids have a parent or family in jail. I often catch them drawing them pictures or making something for them in class. What do I do then? Do I take it and tell them to focus/concentrate on what I'm teaching, or do I let them continue not paying attention? Unlike most teachers, I struggle with the normal teaching questions: Am I teaching this lesson in an effective way? What are my students learning? and the other questions: How much drinking was in the village last night? Is it the 2nd or the 16th? I know a lot of drinking will be going on after those two days because the parents will be getting paid. How much sleep did this child get last night? Should I let the child sleep on the floor for another twenty minutes or try to wake them up now? Are they acting like this because they are mad at me or mad at something else? 

I ask at least one child everyday if there are things going on at home that they are bringing into the classroom. The answer is always the same. This question always leaves me realizing that most of these kids have experienced more in their eight short years of living than I will in all of my life. I realize that I'm grateful for my childhood and my family who let me sleep  continuously uninterrupted throughout the night, who got me to bed at a reasonable hour, the mom who helped me with my homework, the parents who made sure I ate my veggies and had a decent lunch, the family who sent me to school with breakfast every morning already in my belly, the family who supported my softball, bowling, girl scout, gymnastics, dance and basketball adventures. The family who loved me unconditionally and worked hard to make sure that  I knew it.

Growing up, I thought that this type of childhood was 'normal' and 'expected.' I now realize that I was fortunate and loved. And for that, I'm beyond grateful. 

My kids will stay up into the wee hours of the night listening to their parents drink in the room next door while I will sleep peacefully in my bed. I will wake up eager to help them learn about plot and setting, while they will fight me tooth and nail with the overwhelming desire to sleep. We have spent all year together, and still every morning it is the same. And honestly, right now, I couldn't imagine it any other way. I think that if I didn't have to jump and dance and laugh and sing and make a complete fool of myself in the morning just to make sure their heads are up and their ears are listening, I would not feel like half the teacher I am capable of being. I will go, and I will do it everyday because deep down inside of me, I love this job and the everyday challenges almost as much as I love these kids.

Cristina

Here's another picture from adventures in Columbia with Karen. It was good times. 

My kids got their seashells. I will have to blog about it. It was awesome I must say.